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This research is solely based on the essential of marriage. What most couple depict as a wonderful marriage from a faith standpoint. Although not much research has been conducted in this area because of the confidentiality of marital information, our participants were freely given the option to opt out whenever they felt threatened or uneasy disclosing their personal and intricate information. We strictly required our participants to have some years of marital experience, with divorce culprits also incorporated in the research. Participants were also requested to complete a questionnaire depicting their notion of “wonderful marriage”. We strived to interview 12 couples in this study.
Get original essaySecond phase of the interview was scheduled based on the questionnaire responses. Couples that did well on their questionnaires were invited for the second phase of the interview. We conducted self-report with open ended questions allowing interviewers to fully express themselves. We used all the concluded results for rescheduling further interviews and research.
Marriage and divorce has immense significance not only on me, but also to families vacillating between the notions of healthy marriage verses the curios malady of divorce. In America, marriage as most of us perceives it, is just another bizarre twist in the absence of love, yet, what is love that we so desperately and eagerly seek? Is it a feeling, “…are we really in love, or is it the craving lust of out flesh?” I marvel at myself while cogitating about my love, it enkindles me, perplexed me, warms my inside leaping it with while at the same time, it shutters me and makes my heart relentless. The same love brings joy and sadness, health and sickness, laughter and agony, consciousness and oblivion; hence, what is love and what is his place in marriage and Gods teachings?
Divorce has wrecked most of us, separating families, while sending our love ones to eternal gloom of darkness. Divorce struggles are real, very eminent, proven by statistical analysis of the yearly divorce rate in America, leaving most families with total sadness and enigma.
For most people, miscommunication is the main cause of divorce in the United States, while for others; it is misunderstanding and lack of mutual affection towards spouses. In this research, I want to depict how miscommunication leads to most separations, its merits and demerits and the impact of Gods teachings in the marriage as a whole.
As war causes more hurt to the innocent than the perpetrators, so is the divorce to the children involved. Needless to say, but children lack the coping mechanism we adults have, hence, a simple divorce pose a life threatening impact on most kids. This can later lead to serious tremors and anger in the lives of children even to their later stages of their adulthood if not properly nursed and managed. The scenes are deeply recorded and rooted in their hearts, and as the bible teaches, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (proverbs 4:23).
The bible vividly emphasizes on the fundamental principles of marriage. “Be completely humble and gently, be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2-3); how does these teachings affect our wrecked marriages? The purpose of this study is to analyze Gods teachings in marriage and how it incorporates with miscommunications in most marriages. My research objectives will empirically and try to answer these questions:
As arbitrary as it sounds,” marriage persons between ages 50 and older has skyrocketed from 1990s, in 2015, for every 1,000 marriage persons ages 50 and older, … 10 divorced up from five to 1990 according to national health center of statistics …Alas, the divorce rate for folks younger that 50 is about twice as high as it is for adults 50 and older” Stepler (2017). This staggering statistics has indeed imposed serious indignation among various divorced family members, leaving them gawking with unfathomable indignation.
This contagious ongoing agony is misjudged by many couples as a mere phantom, though bulling and vexing, yet is accepted with the sweetness of a mutual regard, though suicidal with great shackles of inebriation, yet is acknowledged with tranquility. Such is the word of marriage as we speak, the cobweb entangling most of us.
As war causes hurt to the innocent than the perpetrators, so is the divorce to the children involved. Children lacking the coping mechanism we adults have and are the ones that mostly get hurt in a divorce. This can later lead to a serious tremors and anger in the later adult lives. The divorce scenes are deeply rooted within them, and as the bible notes, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (proverbs 4:23).
Most people rate miscommunication as the main cause of divorce in United States, while to others it is misunderstanding and lack of mutual affection towards spouses. In this research, I want to depict how miscommunication leads to most separations, its merits and demerits and the impact of Gods teachings in the marriage as a whole. The bible vividly emphasizes on the fundamental principles of marriage. “Be completely humble and gently, be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2-3); how does these teachings affect our wrecked marriages?
In summary, this study analyzes Gods teachings in marriage and how it incorporates with miscommunications in most marriages. My research objectives will empirically and try to answer these questions:
Marriage has lost it sacredness, from what it used to be. Marriage values and piety continues to deteriorate with “traditional values of love, fidelity, commitment, and obligation are no longer respected” Sanchez (1999); a notion contrary to biblical teaching of marriage piety. This research should help us reach a consensus and to fully understand the hidden meaning of marriage from the biblical teachings.
Brainstorm how to complete the project. Did you overlook something?
Yes, I did, and it is the most essential part of this research which entails: research scope, research assumptions and goals. I intend to use SMART acronym for my scope and goals; which must be specific to my research topic, with measurable goals and outcomes within the stipulated time frame. I also overlooked the research risks, for example, being out of scope, misuse of resources and research procrastination.
Strategize how to improve each project:
My research strategy simply focuses on my strengths while minimizing my weaknesses and exploring my opportunities. Specifically, my main areas of focus include:
Strategy always improved with amount of work involved, and my goal is to utilize my research tasks efficiently.
Divorce is breaking millions daily. Millions of kids continue to be raised with single parents hindering their performance on a bigger spectrum. Also, as the result of divorce parents and kids continue to struggle with their overall communication to one another, lacking problem solving skills. Finally, with Christian education being eradicated in most schools, most of us continue to struggle with understanding the real meaning of Gods teachings on the essential meaning of marriage. This has caused serious problem mainly on interfaith, and on interreligious couples. Children only know what they learned from their folks
Literature review is very essential in order to give us the depth and breadth of the study already been undertaken in this research field. Review gives us the opportunity to analyze our research data and to make vivid suggestion of what holistically constitute to a good marriage showed by the presence of the Almighty God. With variables such as communication, testimonies, symposium archives and both religious and spiritual deliverables, these become the main focus of our study and analysis of this research. The research and various interview that support this work is covered in this section.
Scholars believe that communication is the foundation that holds the family together. Bellah et al., 1985; Fowers, 1993), specifically purports that, “communication is the primary means of securing happiness” and that’s why a happy marriage is glued by a happy communication. As couple communicates, they tend to focus more on their intimacy, personality and their emotions. Many notions have emerged on how men and women communicate. Indeed, men and women communicate differently and not understanding these basics, have left many couples and families heart broken. Communication is what affects the core of every marriage. This is how both spouses show love and affection to each other. It is also in communication where we bring up the demon within us, when not properly tamed. “… Methods of communication and marriage satisfaction are symbiosis. “Husband and wives perception of their marital communication is very critical to the progress or deterioration of marriage relationship” (Satir, 1964). Moffit also in his research found that, “more emotionally healthy wives tended to be more communicative and noncomplaining. More emotionally healthy husbands tended to play down problems and to communicate reasonably well with their wives” Moffit et al. (1986). Wives may have higher expectations for openness and sharing in the relationship, as well as different attitudes about intimacy and self-disclosure. “…for women, the emotional quality of marriage is crucial to their roles within the family. For men, the status of being married may be more important than the emotional quality of the relationship” Style (1983). Based on these account we incorporated the following communication question in the interview question: (1. what is the nature of communication between spouses? 2. How do both couples view their communication? 3. what are some of the common differences with their patterns of communication) these are some of the questions will answer in this research.
During the interview a couple expressed the most difficult situation they faced with communication. It was intriguing finding out that the main source of this misunderstanding was actually work related. After interviewing various coupes, what struck me the most was what Jennifer and Manish depicted about their main cause of mayhem and misunderstanding. According to Manish “work stress was their main cause of misunderstanding”. Even though they profess the same faith, work stress was a serious thorn in their marriage. As a developer, every day is a stressful day for Manish. From missed deployments to the screaming product owners, having a single quiet day is a blessing and something Manish hardly imagined. Then as a father, Manish had to transform and be the best loving dad for their four year old son (Joshua), who is still unable to understand the work stress. In addition to all these, Manish is also expected to be the best loving husband at home. Sometimes, the smallest useless issue just turns him off. Manish believed he could be the best husband and father is he could just miss work for at least one month.
Manish’s notion was no way different from what his wife Jennifer professed. To Jennifer who is a full time nurse in ICU department, working with whining and “end of life care patients” leaves her speechless after every shift. She always makes it home late and sometimes never even had a lunch break. To her, “12 hours of work” is more than enough, and being expected to be the sweet loving mother and a loving wife, was way out of her league. In short, in most cases, she was unable to manage work and family life. This has caused more than enough stress in their marriage and something they are seriously struggling with.
One thing both couple (Manish and Jennifer) agrees on was the notion of sharing their burdens and being able to pray over one another. This has been their anchor and the source of courage in most cases. They are both able to put their issues aside, take a walk or just devote some of their energies in prayer, and this is the sole reason they both believe have saved their marriage. The issues they faced are affecting millions of other marriages. Voydanoff (1988) found that 'an increase in hours spent in employment is related to higher levels of work/family conflict.' (191). White & Keith (1990) have found that shift work is the hardest on the marital and family system. They state 'shift 18 work has a negative effect on marital quality across a variety of dimensions.' (191).
It is very obvious that Manish and Jennifer valued their spiritual ties. It was their anchor mainly in times of need and evidently we can see the same happening in various accounts. Anthony noted that “religious orientation refers to the way one relates religion to one's life and how one is motivated by one's religion”. A notion supported by Giblin who purported that, “… the spiritual dimension of the human as a unifying force which integrates all other dimensions, plays a vital role in well-being, and identifies what is meaningful and purposeful” (Giblin, 1996). In addition, I was shocked with the findings of Johnson that religious neither enhances nor diminishes divorce rate. “Although Religiosity may decrease the probability of divorce; it neither enhances marital satisfaction nor decreases marital conflicts” (Booth & Johnson, 1985), contrarily, other scholars believed that religion has everything to do with couples staying married and committed to their families. “Religion can and does affect marital commitment, and social support systems for the family”. In addition, church members support encourage and lookout for one another providing the support system most families need’
Pamela noted in the interview that, “I have been able to remain committed to my husband Bruce because of the church (WEAG CHURCH) support system. In 2014 my Husband Bruce was drafted in Iraq and it was impossible to stay here alone with our three kids, reminiscing and scared of the unknown. The fear of something out of the blue happening was unbearable, but WEAG gave me hope. They supported me, consoled me and prayed with me. They became my immediate family and for that, my marriage was saved…” Hence, attending church services, taking part in church socials, and praying together may enhance couple interaction in a supportive environment.
History helps support the importance of marriage and Christian faith in families. Although some families have successfully thrived in their marriage without incorporating God in their midst, many people still believe in super natural power of the Holy Spirit and Gods purpose for marriage. From economic, social, psychological to sociological, romance and marriage goes way back. They have been from eternity and have added to the notions we exceedingly cherish. History helps us find the real distorted meaning of marriage which far out way the notion of personal fulfilment.
Academic review gives us the insights and deeper understanding our current work or project. I also give us the depth of how much prior work has been conducted in the same field of study. Academic review helps us to understand the research strengths (deliverables), weaknesses, opportunities for further study and future expectations.
Everyone else try to be married for love. Some people find self-fulfillment knowing that they are in love with someone else. Others marry for stability. ““I want to have children. A marriage provides — theoretically — the most stable environment in which to raise children”. Other obvious reasons entail, financial purposes, finding a stable partner, sexual fulfilment, family pressure and for religious purposes.
There is no one point, or single method of a happy marriage. People worldwide have relied on many notions of what constitute to a happy marriage, but most of ubiquitous notions have failed in most cases. People who are financially stable (even though people rate income as the main source of happy marriage) have divorced and chose to go their separate ways. Most people have naively ignored working and seeking counselling on their methods of communication, yet, communication is one of the central pivots of a long lasting marriage. “long-range studies have found that one of the strongest predictors of success after five years of marriage is how well a couple communicated before they married”. In addition, what most couple miss on a successful marriage, is not how hedonistic they live, but, “What counts in making a happy marriage,'' said George Levinger of the University of Massachusetts, ''is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility''. Most of us get married without knowing the real purpose of why marriage, its significance and what is actually represent. Most people are also not aware of the four types of marriages (romantic, rescue, companionate and traditional).
It is essential to know the real meaning of marriage and the ups and downs that it entails. This knowledge is essential profoundly to keep the married couples together, minimizing divorce. With proper understanding, come proper expectations and coping mechanisms in times of torrents. Most of the purposes of marriage is covered in the below sections.
This research is based both on the social (natural science) and focused study of various phenomenon holistically, in that, the research questionnaire is objectively designed for (yes, no) responses and with the results going under serious scrutiny. Also the questionnaires are objective in that, they measures people’s behaviors in their natural state (within various demographic… such as behaviors, and daily activities). I incorporate observation to thoroughly observe people in order to generate enough data for research interpretation and analysis.
The research is to analyze how poor communication renders many marriages to divorce and the purpose of God on marriage. The Underlying assumption is that most of the Christian marriages are not “pro-divorce” compared to Civil marriages. This is because of the “good teachings from the bible”; God plays a bigger role is keeping couples together as opposed to Civil marriage where people depend on their own might for marriage success. We want to find out how proper communication and God teachings essential for broken marriages.
Qualitative research design is essential not only for understanding human behaviors, but also for analyzing their structural life in depth. As supported by Van, “Qualitative data focuses its emphasis on people's life experiences which place the majority of emphasis on events, processes, and structures of their lives (van Maanen, 1977). With qualitative result, it is easier to convert stories into measurable data, which is our key asset for measuring this research deliverables. Only by using both (qualitative and quantitative) data, will we be able to gain breadth and depth of marriage dilemmas and the mayhems of divorce. The biggest merit of mixed method is the scope of “triangulation (Incorporating, researchers, methods, and sources) for research phenomenon”. “Words especially organized into incidents or stories, have a concrete, vivid, meaningful flavor that often proves far more convincing to a reader … (Miles & Huberman, 1994). With qualitative data, we are able to get to the ground root meaning of marriage, analyzing its merits and demerits.
In addition, qualitative research holistically exposes us to the natural process of things. For example, why do we behave the way we do naturally. “… being able to illuminate the ways people in particular settings come to understand, account for, take action, and otherwise manage their day-to-day tasks (Miles & Huberman, 1994).
'Ethnographic research allows us to regard and represent the actors as creators as well as executants of their own meanings. The very way in which they tell us about what they do tells the researcher a great deal about what is meaningful for and in the research. It adds richness and texture to the experience of conducting research.' (Stuart Hannabuss,'Being there: ethnographic research and autobiography', Library Management, Vol. 21 No. 2)
Incorporating ethnographic qualitative research has pacified our focus on natural understanding of people in various marital settings; helping us focus on designated demographic study of marriage. Ethnographic method also allows the interviewers to participate in our research at ease on their own local environment, which an option to opt out of the interview, if for any reason they feel violated following the intensity of marital confidential data. Face to face interview works miracle in this setting making everyone part of the ongoing interview process. This enhances collaboration and understanding between both the involved parties.
Finally, collected information is easier to analyze if you were part of the ongoing interview process. This is because; interviewee perspective was incorporated into the interview process and data collectivity. The entire process also can be referenced with the collected videos, interview records and recorded minutes enriching the quality of extracted data.
There was no better method to incorporate in this analysis that the one Miles analyzed on his study entailing:
“-using fixed codes set to specific fields of observations
Using marks to reflect various marginal transactions
Grouping similarities together (phrases, patterns)
And organizing precise data with reduction method”
Symbols used, for example W for women and M for men on the interview settings. We also studies sign languages, body movements, gestures and sighs for margins on the intense codes. Intense codes help us to organized precise sorted data, making it easier to eliminate ambiguities. With this in hand, what is left is supporting our findings to materialize research.in this account, it is very essential to thoroughly analyze and scrutinize the data for validity and integrity of the study.
I got my design idea from Wallerstein and Blakeslee, 1996 study of “The good Marriage”. With this idea, I incorporated interview open ended questions with semi-structured design. This was incorporated with design questionnaire entailing, unrestrictive questions (preferred rate of Christian marriages compared to civil marriage); preferred 6 questions (Max.8); short and precise questions; mixed questions (open ended, leading, and closed) and multiple choice questions. Questionnaire was sent to every participant within the research team.
Initial goal was to have 50 couples randomly selected but this was not feasible based on the research timeframe. Hence, I did the online questionnaire; fill out online essays, social media posts (Facebook, snapchat, WhatsApp groups and phone contacts). Sent out invitations with greeting cards and the people that responded back, are the ones that were selected for the interview. Here, we narrowed down the selected couples based on their marital experience, number of family members, married years and religious beliefs. Every couple had to have been married for at least 5 years, had a family and were either still married or divorced after that time frame. Couples, who met the criteria and were also religious, got the first pick. All the preceding interviews were scheduled by phone.
The ground rule was set first before any interview. Hence, the interviews were designated each lasting only for 30 -45 minutes.
“Qualitative data ensured that the researcher could be both an active participant as well as a passive observer (Miles & Huberman, 1994).
For the same of confidentiality, I have modified the names as was requested by the interviewees. Some of the information below is too sensitive pertaining to the real struggles couple face daily.
Joel and Keyla were married for 20 years before their divorce. They were also high school best friends before confessing their vows to one another after their college graduation. For Joel, his childhood life was a total wreck. He was raised by a single mother because of the family violence. He never experienced fathers’ love, something he still misses. His dad being an alcoholic caused a lot of mishaps at home. Every day was hell after his dad was drunk.
“I don’t remember the good days, but I surely do remember the bad days. Frankly everyday was a bad day. My dad would use all the resources at home just for a drink. He spent most of his weekends drunk, even if he was home, he was never sober. After their divorce, I was raised with a loving mom who instilled in me the essence of true love. She had little, but she was very giving and forgiving.”
Keyla on the other hand, was raised by both parents. She was the beauty of the house and everything she wanted she was granted. She was their parents’ source of joy. She was very close to both the parents and spent most of her time playing soccer with her dad.
After falling in love during their early high school days, they knew everything about one another. They spent their weekends together studying and fishing, something they really enjoyed. The couple after 5 years of marriage started noticing changes in their marriage. They both realized they spent most of their time with work, more than with each other. They stopped playing soccer and fishing together and by the time the kids came, they were not what they used to be. Their differences kept widening with years of marriage. Although they used to spend most of their weekends singing in the choir, that too changed. Joel had to be outside playing soccer with their son Tony because weekend was the only free time for recreational activities. One intriguing fact was that, they never stopped loving each other. Keyla spent most of her time at home, raising kids and cooking. She loved keeping the house tidy. She loved weaving and grilling and the rest of her free time, was spent on piano and singing. After their 20th Anniversary, Joel said he wanted out. Bugged with work and stressed with family demands, he realized he just needed some free alone time. There were no wrangles or fighting over divorce, it was a mutual consensus that both the parties agreed on. They still hope to remarry again.
Emily and George met at work in the IT field. They were both programmers and enjoyed working with each other. Their first project was with the IBM, automating CommVault software. They just celebrated their 18th Anniversary. The couples are richly blessed with the gift of worshiping. They are leaders’ in the church and very well respected for their wealth of wisdom. Their major struggle was being in harmony with their in-laws. Emily is very quiet and easy going, but a planning guru when it comes to working with money. He is the CFO of their home and approves of every financial decision on the family. George on the other side is the OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) of the house. His phone has to be the way he left it on the table. His shoes have to be brushed and cloths ironed. They both agreed that money was never an issue because they were both programmers and had stable income. Gorge parents expected him to be in charge of his home finances but this was not the case. Hence any financial requests from his parents were handled by his wife Emily and they didn’t like it. Emily folks having spent most of their lives in the farm, wanted to have their grandkids working with them in the farm as well. They wanted to train them, and teach them the benefit of firm work, something both the parents did not agree with. This is why the couples have been constantly bombarded with their in-laws relationships.
Being god loving couples, everything has been resolved in prayer. The couple have spent more of their times on their knees praying that anything else. They believe in devoting everything to God. Emily said, “Why do I have to stress about the things I can’t change. It is easier for me to be on my knees praying and trusting that God will provide, more than I can imagine. Everything I have prayed for I have received and daily I am more than blessed. Although it gets stressful, I just rely of God with everything”.
Mercy and Trap have been married for 10 years and in this period; they have physically fought each other 3 times. They have 4 kids (Sam, Holly, Joan and Peter). Mercy is a stay home mom and Trap is the DevOps Guru. Money has never been their problem. For them, their main issue is miscommunication and sports. Sam is a sports fanatic and when his team (Liverpool is playing) nothing else gets done at home. Everything within that soccer period is a “yes” as long as you le
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