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Throughout Dante’s Inferno and Purgatorio, the theme of love is visited often. ...

Throughout Dante’s Inferno and Purgatorio, the theme of love is visited often. Between the two works, it becomes clear that Dante’s notion of love is divided into two parts: Natural and Elective Love. Natural Love does not err -- that is to say, it will not lead you into sin and is intertwined, if not interchangeable, with the concept of Divine Love. God is, however, a loving God and gives us the power of choice, and so we also love Electively. Elective Love leaves us free to love whatever, whomever, however we wish, and we must learn to desire worthy things if we are to live without sin. Failing to understand this, or straying from this, causes us to err. Natural Love inspires Elective Love, and if we do not learn to tend toward Natural Love, then we end up in Hell; similarly, if we learn too late, we must spend time repenting.

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In the second canticle of the Divine Comedy, Dante’s definition of love take the theological stance. In Purgatorio (specifically cantos 21-24), Love is described as something that ultimately comes from God. This natural love is virtuous, and by following it, we cannot sin. This notion of pure love is illustrated best in Virgil’s interaction with the shade Statius. As the pilgrim journeys further up Mount Purgatory, we reach the fifth terrace, upon which the avaricious and prodigal are seeking forgiveness. Toward the end of Canto 21, we meet Statius who has just finished his time in Purgatory. Before his death he had read Virgil, and he attributes his being saved to Virgil’s writing. When the pilgrim and his guide first come across Statius, he does not recognize Virgil, and he explains that he would gladly spend more time repenting if it meant he could have met Virgil (Purgatorio 21, 100-102) -- ironic, considering that he is expressing these wishes directly to Virgil. Upon finding out that he is in the presence of Virgil, Statius bends to embrace him (Purgatorio 21, 130). Virgil rebukes him because they are shades and cannot feel. Here we see that Statius’s love for Virgil is so great, it makes him forget their emptiness (Purgatorio 21, 135).

This example of natural, noble love is further explained by Virgil in Canto 22. He speaks of Natural Love, saying that, “Love, kindled by virtue, always kindles other love, as long as its flame appears externally” (Purgatorio 22, 10-12). Stating that his affection for Statius “has been greater than any ever felt for a person not seen” (Purgatorio 22, 16). This speaks to a love that is inspiring and fostered, born from virtue. It does not rely on anything other than the fact that Statius’s love for Virgil was born from good intentions and therefore grew within Virgil himself. We know that Statius’s love is noble because God allowed it to reach Virgil in Hell. This virtuous love, in conjunction with the ending of his time in Purgatory, shows us that Statius has learned to desire worthy things unlike he did in life. In life, Statius was wasteful and “loved” too much. This idea that one can love too little or too much is another way in which Elective Love can lead us astray.

Another way in which this division of love is illustrated is in Dante’s encounter with Bontaguntia. While the two converse about the “Sweet New Style,” Dante tells him that he is “one who, when Love breathes within me, take note, and to that measure which he dictates within, I go signifying” (Purgatorio 24, 52-54). By this, Dante means that when love inspires him, he must make it known through poetry. Bontaguntia realizes that this is what kept him from being a poet of the new style. While Dante and his contemporaries were caused to write by Divine Love, their predecessors simply wrote about Divine Love.

Further into Purgatorio, we meet the hetero- and homosexuals. Their crime in life was that they did not keep human law. The example used -- Pasiphae, who fell in love with a bull and disguised herself as a cow so that the bull would run to her (Purgatorio 26, 41) -- depicts how, when given in to, Elective Love, can effectively pervert Natural Love. Guinizelli explains that they are here because they followed their appetites like beasts (Purgatorio 26, 83) and gave into primal lust. This discussion of primal love in Purgatory brings up an interesting connection to the gates of Hell in Inferno. The Gates proclaim that Hell was created from “Primal Love” by Divine Power. Knowing what we now know about primal, animalistic love and its ties to Elective Love, we can assume that the denizens of Hell broke with human law completely. Out of their inability to understand love -- which Dante asserts is key to keeping Elective Love on a worthy path -- our poor sinners come to stay in Hell.

This distinction between distorting love and misunderstanding it completely is best explained by going back and looking at Inferno. In the Inferno, the notion that we pervert love by choosing to stray is clearly defined. That is not to say that the choice is a conscious or calculated choice. By simply failing to strive to understand or to learn what they do not understand, people are making a choice. In some cases, these souls do not even know that they do not grasp a proper understanding, and this incorrect steadfastness damns them to eternity. Instead of striving for blessedness, they strive to fulfill human vices, thus turning their backs on virtue. For instance, the Gluttonous in Canto 6 loved excessively and replaced beatification with worldly good. Those guilty of sloth, the sullen in Canto 7, were guilty of loving too little. In Canto 26, the pilgrim meets Ulysses, who betrayed love by promising his crew virtue (Inferno 26, 112-120), something no voyage would achieve. Love stems from virtue, and therefore, by turning virtue into a human vice, love is perverted.

The most poetic of all examples, however, is the lustful Francesca. Stuck in the “infernal whirlwind” of the third circle of Hell, she is guilty above all other for perverting love. Francesca betrayed the true Love by completely failing to understand it. In her speech to the pilgrim she explains to the pilgrim that:

Love, which is swiftly kindled in the noble heart, seized this one for the lovely / person that was taken from me; and the manner still injures me. / Love, which pardons no one loved from loving in return, seized me for his / beauty so strongly that, as you see, it still does not abandon me. (Inferno 5, 11-105)

Here Francesca makes the argument that love “seized” Paolo once he had seen Francesca’s fair body. She argues, further, that since Paolo loves her, she had no hope to reject his affection since Love “pardons no one.” So Francesca's requital is no more voluntary than Paolo's desire. The glaring “Easter egg” here is that barely anything in this speech is Francesca’s original thought. She draws upon fiction of her day, whether Lancelot du Lac, or the Dolce Stil Novo. Before realizing this, we feel terribly sympathetic for Francesca, but once it is pointed out, it is our first clue to her true sins.

Her moving yet “plagiarized” speech reveals nothing of Paolo to us, not even his name. Francesca is in “love” with Paolo’s charm and beauty. Francesca “subjected her reason to [her] lust” (Inferno 5, 38) and gave up her ability to learn. By misunderstanding lust as Love, Francesca has distorted the ideal. Her second mistake lies in that she does not admit to her guilt, and instead blames the very Love (here we are to assume she means Divine Love, not Elective), which should inspire us. She believes hers was a “noble love,” something that cannot possibly be true because, if it was noble, then she would not have mistaken her lust for true Love.

So why is Francesca singled out, out of all the other sufferers in this circle? After all, it is here that figures such as Cleopatra, Dido, and Semiramis are damned, guilty of far worse crimes than Francesca’s lust. Here is where the differences between Natural and Elective love become clear. Francesca expresses that love was forced upon her by the Almighty, maintaining that since she was loved, nothing would save her from returning the love, regardless of its virtuous intent. We get a sense that love is forced upon the person and based upon physical attributes. We later learn in Purgatorio from Virgil that true love has nothing to do with appearances, and that love need not be reciprocated on principle. Instead, Virgil tells us that if someone loves us virtuously, as in coming out of Natural Love, then this love will also be inspired in us. Love does not force itself upon anyone, and is not the agent at all. We, as humans, are the agents, and we can only inspire, not force, love within others. This notion further separates Natural and Elective Love, for in the case of Natural Love, love of the Almighty is a given -- although not forced. The last of Virgil’s description -- “as long as its flame appears externally” (Purgatorio 22, 12) -- lends us some insight as to why Ulysses’ contrapasso was to be consumed in flame for a desire “which burns him inwardly” (Inferno 26, 47-8). His desires, virtuous or not, consumed him and were neither expressed nor acknowledged. As Dante, the pilgrim, “went signifying” (Purgatorio 24, 52-4), once Love inspired him, so Ulysses should have done. Perhaps then he would have understood Love’s true intentions were born from virtue instead of seeing virtue as an end to love.

The sins mentioned earlier, Gluttony and Sloth, are discussed in both Canticles. The disparity lies in the soul’s ability to understand that they have strayed. In Hell, the condemned never think that their concept of love is incorrect, nor do they realize that they have strayed. They believe that what they were seeking was the true end of love, in the case of the Gluttonous, or failed to appreciate Natural Love fully, in the case of the Slothful. On Mount Purgatory, the souls realized that they had strayed and began back toward Natural Love, but their perversion of love kept them from being blessed. That is to say, they realized their errors, but were simply too late. Through these examples, Dante shows us how Natural Love, which does not err, can lead to Elective Love and sin. Natural Love, which pertains to beatification and the Almighty, is the path we are supposed to choose through Elective Love; however, since Elective Love is after all elective, this does not always happen. The greatest error one can make here, as Francesca shows us, is to completely misunderstand Love altogether, for knowledge is the way to blessedness.

One perceived “plot hole” would be the idea of unrequited love. If, as Dante maintains throughout the Divine Comedy, all love must be returned in some form, then what of those spurned lovers? Here is where our sinners go astray. This assumed unreturned love is simply a person’s lack of understanding for Love’s true nature, the true nature being that Love comes from the Almighty; since even Hell is constructed from this Love, all love is returned. It is our ability to understand and discern this love, however, that is the true question.

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So where does our pilgrim, and perhaps our author, factor into this balancing act? Through his descriptions and musings on Beatrice, together with his inferred sympathy for both Francesca and Ulysses, we see that the pilgrim, just as Dante himself, has a hard time grasping the idea of Natural Love. At times he loved excessively, and while it distracted him, it did not cause him to stray. The pilgrim also concedes to sometimes feeling consumed inwardly, as Ulysses is in Inferno 26. By realizing these distractions and allowing Natural Love to guide your elective loves instead of hoping your elective loves will align with Natural Love, one can avoid sin in the same way that Bontaguntia realizes the poets were guided by Divine Love instead of using it as a means to an end. This lesson that it takes knowledge, will, and the desire to learn the difference between what is worthy and what is not, is what I believe Dante is ultimately trying to convey by illustrating these two forms of Love.


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Table of contentsAriesCompatible signs: Scorpio and VirgoTaurusCompatible signs: ...

Table of contents

  1. Aries
  2. Compatible signs: Scorpio and Virgo
  3. Taurus
  4. Compatible signs: Virgo and Capricorn
  5. Gemini
  6. Compatible signs: Libra and Aries
  7. Cancer
  8. Compatible signs: Virgo and Taurus
  9. Leo
  10. Compatible signs: Aries and Gemini
  11. Virgo
  12. Compatible signs: Aries and Aquarius
  13. Libra
  14. Compatible signs: Aries and Gemini
  15. Scorpio
  16. Compatible signs: Virgo and Capricorn
  17. Sagittarius
  18. Compatible signs: Capricorn and Pisces
  19. Capricorn
  20. Compatible signs: Sagittarius and Scorpio
  21. Aquarius
  22. Compatible signs: Sagittarius and Libra
  23. Pisces
  24. Compatible signs: Sagittarius and Virgo

On this Valentine's Day, get to know about your love life this year.

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Aries

Aries are courageous, enthusiastic and determined and are natural leaders.

2018 Love Mantra: You need to discover your hidden feelings.

If your date is an Arian man: Your relationship will be ruled by spontaneity and chemistry this year. You are in for great surprises and Arian man loves to treat their women like a queen. They are very expressive, so Be impulsive, don't be shy and Laugh aloud.

The ideal Valentine gift: The Arian man is classy and spontaneous who loves personalised experiences. Gifts can range from a hand crafted item, a watch, a tangy cologne or gadgets.

If your date is an Arian woman: An Arian woman loves to be treated and spoken with gentleness. Punctual and observant, the Arian woman loves attention and mostly demands all your attention. Be ready to make sure you don’t look at the bill or your watch!

The ideal Valentine gift: Arian woman loves to travel and an ideal gift will be to take her to a holiday. Since she also loves music, you may take her to musical concerts. A diamond ring or a great book are other great gift ideas.

Compatible signs: Scorpio and Virgo

Lucky colour: Green

Lucky stone: Jade

Taurus

Taurus are friendly, realistic and loves being in a relationship.

2018 Love Mantra: This year will be all about love and passion

If your date is a Taurean man: Taurean man are affectionate and demonstrative; love to express their feelings and will show how much he cares in words and in action. You will have a great time and get set to be serenaded with hugs, flowers, great food and passionate conversation.

The ideal Valentine gift: For a Taurean man, the gift options range from an after-shave lotion, colourful shirts, socks, mural, sculpture,a rocking chair, cushion covers to match the sofa to a money plant for good luck.

If your date is a Taurean woman: She is a woman who loves good food and simple yet beautiful things. It will definitely mean a lot to her if you can cook for her instead of taking her to some fancy restaurant.

The ideal Valentine gift: Gift ideas include art, handbag, kitchen utensils interesting linen,home décor or gift her pottery.

Compatible signs: Virgo and Capricorn

Lucky colour: Purple

Lucky stone: Pearl

Gemini

Gemini are romantic people who take their relationship very seriously and stay truthful and committed.

2018 Love Mantra: This year will turn out to be the most romantic year; you just need to live the moment and capture the essence of romance.

If your date is a Gemini man: Gemini men are light hearted, love to live the moment and enjoy to the fullest; they are talkative and humourous with a touch of witty sarcasm, and their life will be full of wonderful stories. They love outdoor activities and love dining out. So you may get lucky for a special fine dining experience. Ensure you dress to look your best.

The ideal Valentine gift: The Gemini men love to dress and look their best. Their favourites are crisp one shade shirts, cuff links, stationery and powerful masculine cologne.

If your date is a Gemini woman: Gemini woman is more interested in live music performances, theatre, art and live bands. She loves the ambience as well as good manners. If you are going on a date or are spending time together, try to give her your complete attention and see how special she makes you feel.

The ideal Valentine gift: There are many gifting options to choose from: romantic songs on a CD, dark red lipstick, mascara, soft cushions and matching quilt, a great mythological story book, set of pearls earrings, a bling clutch bag. Take your pick!

Compatible signs: Libra and Aries

Lucky colour: Brown

Lucky stone: Tiger eye

Cancer

Cancer are generous, imaginative, sensitive and honest people

2018 Love Mantra: Understand people and expect love from other

If your date is a Cancerian man: Cancerian man is soft hearted and soft spoken. They mingle with people easily and have the ability to adjust to become one with you. You may get many surprises ,and get ready for a red carpet treatment. You will also have a cosy wine and dine experience. You will be surrounded by many gifts, flowers, cake, instrumental music sets and may even get a surprise ring in your glass!

The ideal Valentine gift: Gift options include plants, pens, electronic gadgets, a new phone or a snazzy office bag with stylish zips.

If your date is a Cancerian woman: A Cancerian woman loves nature and is a vivid traveller. They love to have a good conversation with a chilled wine. You can expect to be charmed in an outdoor setting, enjoying the sunset before heading for dinner.

The ideal Valentine gift: She will be interested in flavoured tea, pots and pans, incense sticks, painting or sculpture of fairies or a Zen Buddha, a pack of tarot cards with love spells in them would intrigue her.

Compatible signs: Virgo and Taurus

Lucky colour: Cream

Lucky stone: White sapphire

Leo

Leo are very ambitious and enthusiastic people. They are loyal in a relationship and make good friends.

2018 Love Mantra: This year you need to believe in the miracle of love

If your date is a Leo man: Leo man needs your attention and you need to give him the love and attention he desires. Leo man loves new styles and outdoor activities. You can surprise him with a grand meal, an outdoor activity like swimming, fishing or animal gazing

.

The ideal Valentine gift: Creative gift ideas include a unique calendar with his name inscribed, a selection of alcohol, a branded gift item or an adventure trip to indulge his wild side.

If your date is a Leo woman: She loves to hear you and is easily impressed with uninterrupted conversations around her favourite subjects. She loves compliments and appreciation of her artistic knowledge; so you know how to win her.

The ideal Valentine gift: Impress her with a hamper of lovely things that include the best slices, jam, chocolate, coffees and great cake mixes. She will definitely love a session at a spa and if you want to be extravagant buy her a great piece of jewellery.

Compatible signs: Aries and Gemini

Lucky colour: Orange

Lucky stone: Red coral

Virgo

Virgo are one of the most generous, loyal and insightful people.

2018 Love Mantra: Be elegant and be honest that will help your love to flourish

If your date is a Virgo man: A Virgo man is fond of feminine woman who wears trinkets and anklets. You know how to dress to let him make you feel wonderful.

The ideal Valentine gift: They are lovers of gadgets, gaming console, great shades, formal shirt, leather boots. You can even win his heart with a home cooked meal.

If your date is a Virgo woman: She has a great attitude towards others and loves to explore new things. You can impress her with a good joke. She loves funny conversations and so be the knight in shining armour and make her laugh.

The ideal Valentine gift: To win her, you need to think creative and gifts like a handwritten letter will bring a smile on her face. She will love gift hampers that include linen, kitchen accessories. Other gifting options are :a quaint tea set, a beautiful vase, scented candles, incense sticks and holders or a lovely writing pad.

Compatible signs: Aries and Aquarius

Lucky colour: Yellow

Lucky stone: Cats eye

Libra

Libra are the most hardworking and honest people. They love long-term commitments and are loyal partners.

2018 Love Mantra: Charisma will work all that you desire

If your date is a Libran man: You can look forward to a great day with some really good surprises. Librian man is adventurous and he is quite likely to take you to great locations and then for a long drive to speak his heart.

The ideal Valentine gift: You need some exquisite and rare things like antiques, carpets to gift. A bottle of Chardonnay, retro music / records, a painting or a great musical evening are another hifting options to impress him.

If your date is a Libran woman: Libran women love to dress and are interested in finding new styles and fashions.

They love when their partner you go that extra mile to make her feel special. Make sure you wear great pair of shoes!

The ideal Valentine gift: She is down to earth and will be impressed with a nice dress, handbag, boots, ear loops, blingy scarves or a portrait of her sketched and framed.

Compatible signs: Aries and Gemini

Lucky colour: Lavender

Lucky stone: Amethyst

Scorpio

Scorpio are very protective and loves to be in control in their relationship.

2018 Love Mantra: You need to become more realistic about everything you desire

If your date is a Scorpio man: Scorpio are great lovers and are deeply passionate. They love to impress their partner with flowers, perfect lighting, chilled champagne, strawberries and chocolates cosy conversations. They are very charming that you will fall in love.

The ideal Valentine gift: They appreciate art so gift items with piece of art, a personalised pen or photo frame or a fancy lamp will be perfect.

If your date is a Scorpio woman: A Scorpion woman is very possessive and expects the best of everything. She is very compassionate and expects chivalry so go ahead and charm her.

The ideal Valentine gift: You may just need scented cinnamon candles, perfumes, bag and shoes to make her happy.

Compatible signs: Virgo and Capricorn

Lucky colour: Red

Lucky stone: Ruby

Sagittarius

Sagittarius are sincere and broad-minded people who are loyal to the end.

2018 Love Mantra: Never underestimate your relationship

If your date is a Sagittarian man: They are enthusiastic and it is nice to be around them. You can raise your bar and expect yourself to be treated to fine wine, gourmet food and an experience worth remembering.

The ideal Valentine gift: He has a certain love for leather jacket, watch or a silk shirt. You may need a good soul and even a thoughtful deed will touch his generous heart.

If your date is a Sagittarian woman: They love life to the fullest and are free-spirited. They love to go with the flow and will be fun to be with.

The ideal Valentine gift: Gift her a class of yoga or buy her a great pair of jeans.

Compatible signs: Capricorn and Pisces

Lucky colour: Pink

Lucky stone: Rose quartz

Capricorn

Capricorn are grounded people and faithful lovers.

2018 Love Mantra: Find love on the friendship you build

If your date is a Capricorn man: They have a witty sense of humour and it is easy to become friends with them. They have the ability to make you feel special. Even though they are slow and cautious, Capricorn men are dependable and steady partners. Their style is solid, so expect sweet gestures.

The ideal Valentine gift: Gift them a bottle of the best wine, a chic tie or gift vouchers from their favourite music store that will definitely make their day.

If your date is a Capricorn woman: Capricorn women like to be wooed, celebrated and taken care of. Plan a fun evening and let her do all the talking.

The ideal Valentine gift: Shoes and solid tees is what you should pick your Capricorn woman just make sure they are brand. She doesn’t like surprises, so pick something she’s had her eye on from before.

Compatible signs: Sagittarius and Scorpio

Lucky colour: White

Lucky stone: Opal

Aquarius

2018 Love Mantra: Go with the flow in love

If your date is an Aquarian man: He can seem self-absorbed and aloof but will be attentive as he will take you to an open-air restaurant and you will enjoy your date immensely. It's wise to be slow and steady with him and allow him to take the lead.

The ideal Valentine gift: A cologne, a well-tailored shirt, books on technology and sports gear will excite him.

If your date is an Aquarian woman: Independent and breezy she may not be your easiest date. Small caring gestures mean a lot to her. Book a table at her favourite restaurant.

She may be moody or quiet, give space, don’t judge.

The ideal Valentine gift: She loves chunky jewellery, traditional clothes, instrumental music and flavoured coffee.

Compatible signs: Sagittarius and Libra

Lucky colour: Yellow

Lucky stone: Emerald

Pisces

2018 Love Mantra: Make connections, follow your heart

If your date is a Piscean man: Romantic and considerate he will make sure that special place he chooses to take you to is perfect. Enjoy luxury with this special man!

The ideal Valentine gift: A swimming gear, a beach ball, colourful frisbee, camping equipment will thrill the outdoor-loving Piscean.

If your date is a Piscean woman: Piscean women epitomise class, compassion and beauty and are extremely dreamy and committed in love. She will make you feel special with her charm.

The ideal Valentine gift: The way to win her heart is to buy tickets to watch a live cookery show, cookbooks or pearl/ruby jewellery that will make her happy.

Compatible signs: Sagittarius and Virgo

Lucky colour: Blue

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Lucky stone: Blue sapphire


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Shakespeare’s iconic sonnet 29 is a sonnet that embodies the superficial natur ...

Shakespeare’s iconic sonnet 29 is a sonnet that embodies the superficial nature of humanity, both intrinsically and extrinsically. The sonnet begins with the speaker denouncing his current state, which is quite unfavorable, as he “beweep[s] [his] outcast state” (line 2). However, the speaker continues to exalt his lover as the only reason he is able to carry on through his unfortunate circumstances. This serves as a bold endorsement of both love and intrinsic values over extrinsic materialism. All in all, this sonnet appears to speak to the value of love in maintaining one’s sanity when faced with dire circumstances. However, a more detailed reading of the sonnet reveals that this is not the case at all and the sonnet lends itself to an entirely different theme. In a casual reading, the reader experiences a more jubilant poem in which the speaker overcomes his material poverty through his love. Shakespeare, through, traditional sonnet structure and blatant tone shifts, creates the impression that this sonnet speaks to the theme of the overcoming power of love. However, this is not an accurate reading of the sonnet. In fact, the speaker is not to be taken for his word, and Shakespeare’s speaker is not as noble as he appears to be. Shakespeare, through simile, imagery, traditional Shakespearean sonnet structure, characterization of the speaker, and apostrophe, creates a speaker that appears, on the whole, very inept and manic depressive. This, in turn, creates an atmosphere in which the reader is to be inherently suspicious of the speaker’s account. By doing this, Shakespeare provides commentary that links love to both madness and depression, thereby suggesting that these are inherent qualities of love itself. Due to this, Shakespeare speaks to the unnecessary nature of love in terms of human success.

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In a casual reading of this sonnet, one may note that Shakespeare uses rudimentary stylistic and literary devices that coyly mask the sonnet’s true meaning. Through the use of traditional sonnet structure, Shakespeare creates obvious shifts in tone that are detectable by even the most basic reader. The initial eight lines, the octave, are devoted to creating a scene void of happiness and wealth. Shakespeare writes, “When, in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes, / I all alone beweep my outcast state” (lines 1-2). Right away the reader is keen to the speaker’s material poverty and social outcast, as well as the distressed state this causes him. Shakespeare continues, “Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, / featured like him, like him with friends possessed” (lines 5-6). Here, the reader is made aware of the speaker’s desire for material possessions and success. However, the final six lines shift the tone and theme of the poem dramatically in order to portray the seeming power of love as Shakespeare writes, “For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings / That then I scorn to change my state with kings” (lines 13-14). These lines contain the apparent meaning of the poem. While he is distressed and poor, the speaker, expressly because of his love, tells the reader that he would not change his position with a king. This is hard to believe seeing as the speaker was only just exclaiming his want for material success. However, because the speaker has love, all else is semantic and irrelevant to the speaker’s state of happiness. Author James Winny describes this as, “the poet’s sudden exhilaration of spirit as he recalls the friendship that outweighs his discontent” (78). Because of this blatant shift in tone from cursing his misfortune to praising his love’s redemptive powers, Shakespeare emphasizes the apparent celebratory nature of his love. Therefore, the sonnet appears to speak to the idea that love is far more powerful than any extrinsic possession.

Also, the characterization of the speaker is essential in unpacking the poem. Shakespeare’s speaker “surmounts envy and self-contempt” (Stirling 64). Because the speaker is so shamefully aware of his state, the reader naturally feels empathy and pity for the speaker. However, while the speaker is a depressing character, the reader cannot help but feel envy for him due to the happiness he derives from love. This most undesirable character has seemed to capture the most intrinsically elusive quality that is craved by all men: love. Therefore, despite his material disparities, the speaker becomes an enviable character that embodies the best side of love.

However, this is not an accurate depiction of the speaker. There exists in the sonnet grammatical and stylistic abnormalities that point to a speaker who is manic-depressive rather than driven by love. An analysis of lines 10-12, which reads “Haply I think on thee, and then my state, / Like to the lark at break of day arising / From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate,” reveals this insanity. Originally, the verse is written so that the reader naturally thinks that the lark is the object doing the singing, which creates a “liberating” and “celebratory” simile (Hammond 31). In this reading, the lark succeeds in his song, which corresponds with the speaker succeeding in his love. However, a closer reading reveals that it is not the lark that is singing; rather, it is the reader’s state that is doing the singing (Bernhard 2). In this line, the speaker’s state refers to his mindset. Shakespeare has made the speaker’s mindset, which despises his current state, abundantly clear to the reader. This simile actually reads “Haply I think on thee, and then my state, / … sings hymns at heaven’s gate.” (lines 10,12).

The idea that the speaker’s discontented state would be singing to heaven is a most peculiar simile that requires further analysis. The term “heaven” is used multiple times in the sonnet, and analyzing both instances is required for a complete understanding their meaning. The first occurrence of heaven imagery occurs when Shakespeare writes “And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries” (line 3). Here heaven is personified as “deaf” and subsequently cannot answer, much less hear, the speaker’s desperate cries. This use of auditory imagery is perplexing when it is paired with the second use of heaven imagery in which the speaker’s state “sings hymns at heaven’s gate” (Line 12). These two examples create a dichotomy that destroys the speaker’s credibility. The speaker describes heaven as “deaf” but also sings hymns to it. This represents a wild change in the speaker’s mood that is completely unwarranted because there has been no change in his circumstances (Bernhard). This sudden and abrupt change in attitude is suspicious in nature simply because nothing has happened. The speaker’s mood has changed without the appearance of any stimulus, which is most unusual. Seeing this to be true, the reader can reasonably assume that the speaker’s state of unhappiness is purely mental, that is, the speaker “wills his misery” (Bernhard). The speaker’s state is still unfavorable; however, the speaker’s attitude towards his unfortunate state is exaggerated, which suggests a self-deprecating, manic depressive state.

Continuing with this theme it is odd to note the speaker’s love’s complete absence from the sonnet. This is odd because of the “almost religious nature of his beloved” (Mcrae). By using the term ‘heaven’ twice in the poem, Shakespeare creates a religious undertone that relies on the religious connotation of the term ‘heaven.’ This description applies directly to the speaker’s lover, since it is she who answers the speaker’s cries for meaning and glory. However, by assuming a religious presence, the lover also assumes a ubiquitous nature caused by further connotation of religious deities. Because she is characterized as god-like, the reader naturally expects her to be present in every situation, which she is not. This use of apostrophe begs the question of where the speaker’s loved one is during the speaker’s continual mood swings. It is likely, at this point, that the loved one is simply a manifestation of the speaker’s manic depressive state and is oblivious to the speaker. Considering the speaker’s state of poverty, it is entirely possible that the loved one is imagined in order to aid the speaker in coping with his harsh reality. At this point, the speaker has lost all credibility with the reader and cannot be trusted. It can therefore be assumed that the speaker does not have the love that he claims to have and is simply a completely pitiful character who is unable to cope with his circumstances.

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At this point, the deconstruction of the speaker’s testimony is complete and the sonnet’s true meaning can be analyzed. Shakespeare’s speaker has proven his ineptness in providing credible testimony. In terms of love, this reading of the poem pairs love with madness and depression where the first reading pairs love with jubilation and triumph. Seeing as the speaker is, at this point, an untrustworthy character, the reader cannot take his words as truth. The speaker has been exposed as manic depressive in his claims of love. Therefore, Shakespeare’s poem pairs love with depression and insanity, thereby suggesting that these are inherent qualities of love. Furthermore, this sonnet provides commentary on the manic depressive cycle, which is described as self-deprecating and exaggerating. Consider how the speaker’s condition might have changed had he not exaggerated his circumstances. It is reasonable to assume that a proper perspective on his situation would have enabled him to better cope with his adversity (Bernhard 3). This, in turn, would have made it more likely that he would have been able to escape the poverty that was his own. However, because the speaker was manic depressive, he created a situation that was insurmountable and impossible for him to confront. This drove him to create an insipid love that does not actually exist. In this way, Shakespeare also compares love to an inability to cope with one’s problems. The first reading of this poem suggested that love enabled the speaker to overcome his material poverty and live a life of meaning and purpose. Once this is proven to be invalid, the reader must consider the true role of love in life. Seeing as love has already been compared to depression and insanity, it can be stated that love holds no merit in overcoming one’s obstacles. Certainly one would not argue that depression and madness are essential qualities to being successful in life. Therefore, due to the fact that depression and madness are characteristics of love, it can be said that love is not a component of success in life. This gives credence to a broader, more cynical interpretation of love. If one’s aim in life is to be successful, either intrinsically or extrinsically, then love should be of no importance to that person. In modern culture, individuals seek to be successful in numerous ways, and love is often at the center of individuals’ subjective definition of success. However, Shakespeare makes the argument in this poem that love is, in fact, not a component of success and therefore humans should not pursue love to obtain success. This is done through creating a speaker who, on the surface, appears to have obtained the culturally accepted version of success. That is, the speaker has love, which holds great value in modern society. However, the speaker’s words are the result of being manic depressive, and the reader soon discovers that the speaker does not actually have love. Love, according to Shakespeare, is an insipid construct invented by feeble minds in order to placate their own failures.


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There exists a debate between Rousseau, Plato and the philosophers of the Encycl ...

There exists a debate between Rousseau, Plato and the philosophers of the Encyclopedia over the experience of the passions. While Plato and the philosophers choose to philosophically debate over the reasons behind love and sexuality, Rousseau, who insists that "imagination wreaks so much havoc," unfastens philosophy from the passions and argues that they are independent ideas that need not be interconnected. One could delve in to this dispute from two sides; one being that love is a difficult concept who's reasons need high levels of inquiry to achieve understanding, or that the passions are straightforward and do not need an in-depth exploration. These two opposing sides are not only battling for and against segregation of thought and reason, they are also at odds on the definition of love itself.

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In Rousseau's "The Basic Political Writings," he claims that "the more violent the passions are, the more necessary the laws are to contain them." Noting that the passions are 'violent' already offers them a negative overtone, which is only enhanced by Rousseau's insistence that "even if [the laws] were capable of repressing [the passions], the least one should expect of them would be that they call a halt to an evil that would not exist without them." (Rousseau, p. 56) It seems that Rousseau fears going further with the idea of love; one which supposedly brings about the existence of evil by being active. So what exactly does he believe 'repressed' love is, and why does love need to be held back at all? Rousseau writes about love like it is an animal of sorts that should not be allowed to run wild; perhaps he sees it as an unnatural distraction, reserved for nearly savage beings.

Besides the fact that it seems that Rousseau believes that the passions should be separate from activities of thought or internal investigation, it appears that he also views the exaggeration of love as an interference with the natural order of things. Rousseau brings in an example of the Caribs, an ancient people who "of all existing peoples, are the people that wandered least from the state of nature...least subject to jealousy, even though they lived in a hot climate which always seems to occasion greater activity in these passions." (Rousseau, p. 56) Therefore, from this statement, it is possible to sense that Rousseau views the emotion of jealousy as straying from "the state of nature." The Caribs are acting righteously, according to Rousseau's opinion, because of their removal from temptation i.e. love, etc. (especially considering the climate conditions). According to this evidence it can be said that Rousseau sees jealousy as an abstract idea (whereas love should not be), and as being a reaction to succumbing to the passions. In addition, by stating that although enticement was present for the Caribs, and that they were able to suppress their 'vulgar' emotions, so to all man has the ability to resist desire.

Rousseau seems to operate in a different way than he admits. It seems that all of his justifications as to why love is an unnecessary evil and should not be left for the imagination, actually counteract their initial purpose. Philosophy is the attribution of a set of beliefs towards ideas; it is in some sense a way of thinking and an attitude one possesses towards life. It seems that Rousseau tries to separate the passions from philosophy but rather ends up connecting the two by offering insights.

One other possible idea involving Rousseau is that his objection may not stem from the idea of love at all, but rather violence; he views violence as unpleasant. However, he associates the two in that they coexist as one. "What would become of men, victimized by this unrestrained and brutal rage, without modesty and self-control, fighting everyday over the object of their passion at the price of their blood?" (Rousseau, p. 62) It seems that he has pre-constructed an image of what love is; a battlefield. Because of his accepted definition he explores from this angle alone and sees no reason to leave his sphere of personal understanding.

Having undergone much gender debate over the years has raised various important questions on the roles of men and women. However, there has always been agreement in one area; one sex cannot exist without the other. The passions motivate uncommon actions and helps arouse new emotions and ideas. Yet if these bonds are a 'necessity' to the human race then why are we so disconnected from its true meaning? There has yet to be a one universal explanation of love and there has yet to be one who understands its powers fully. As in Plato's Symposium, when the enlightenment influenced the exploration of thoughts, even to the wisest of men love was still a concept that was bewildering. Rousseau understood love as an opinion, whereas Plato and the philosophers understood it as a question.

Plato's "Symposium" serves as a text that depicts some of the guidelines of love as seen by the philosophers of Plato's time. One of these philosophers, Diotima, speaks of her interpretation of love and its effects on those swayed by it. She connects physical attraction (physical love) to the creation of new ideas (intellectual love). By interweaving these two forms, she actually proves that if one exists it reawakens the other. "The result is that our lover will gaze at the beauty of activities and laws and to see that all this is akin to itself, with the result that he will think that the beauty of bodies is a thing of no importance." Thus, the initial physical attraction ultimately leads to an enlightening state; opposing Rousseau's notion of detachment. Furthering her elucidation, Diotima adds that "gazing upon this, he gives birth to many gloriously beautiful ideas and theories, in unstinting love of wisdom, until, having grown and been strengthened there, he catches sight of such knowledge, and it is the knowledge of such beauty." (Plato, p. 58)

The speech of Pausanias sheds light on another matter. Pausanias insists that, "the plain condemnation of Love reveals lust for power in the rulers and cowardice in the ruled, while indiscriminate approval testifies to general dullness and stupidity." (Plato, p.15) By this observation Pausanias implies that love has the ability to weaken those defeated and those who succumb to it in its entirety. In some way this statement insists that it is impossible to be correct by neither the approval nor disapproval of love. So what is left if not these two options? It would seem that Pausanias insists not on choosing a side, but rather on that love should be interrogated.

If "Symposium" is a drunken discussion with various ideas protruding from all sides, what makes the idea of a chaotic dialogue on the passions more comprehensible than Rousseau's opinion that they should be aimed at disjointedly? I believe it to be that no one is very sure of how to identify the passions, and there is no need to. It is a subject that should be open to many individual impressions. One who experiences love does not experience the same love as his neighbor; you have to take into consideration the idea of personal experience intruding on every separate personality. Therefore, regarding the passions, they not only should be combined with philosophy, rather it is necessary they do so for the sake of defending the passions for what they are; nothing in particular or open to interpretation.


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Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried is a collection of essays, all centere ...

Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried is a collection of essays, all centered on anecdotes of American soldiers during the Vietnam War. The seemingly straightforward recollections slowly reveal dense layers of personal and metaphorical meanings upon closer inspection, with the exploration of the characters’ emotions and the underlying motif of love creating the opportunity to trace how war changes a person in the realm of his emotions. The Vietnam warfare acts as a catalyst for all of the unsettling changes in the soldiers’ minds, raising the question whether the battlefield is actively responsible for this result or merely accelerating the inevitable manifestation of these personal issues, inherent in every person.

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In the collection of essays The Things They Carried, the specific selection of the four stories “The Things They Carried,” “The Lives of the Dead,” “Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong” and “Stockings” creates a focus on the ambiguity of the modernist essays, thus conveying the destructive effect of war on people’s minds through the juxtaposition of contrasting interpretations of the popular literary motifs of love and passion. Through the dichotomy of the positive and negative characteristics of the motifs, the anthology asserts the fragmentation of the soldiers’ minds and the feelings of confusion, isolation and unreliability, brought on by war.

Love is portrayed as a major motivation for many of the soldiers in the Vietnam War, with its sweet, innocent intentions often paving the way for a much darker, even sinister reality, in which unrequited emotions or acceptance of routine affection leave men dependent on love unsettled and invalidated, searching for meaning. The first mention of love is in “The Things They Carried,” when Lieutenant Jimmy Cross’ strong infatuation with Martha is revealed. His attitude seems innocent enough as he “want[s] Martha to love him as he loved her” (1). The reciprocity of this pure emotion, illustrated by the repetition of “love,” is quickly shot down as the officer is portrayed as obsessed with Martha’s rejection of him rather than simply in love. One of the most striking moments that interweaves the violent nature of war with his memories of the girl is presented in his desire to “carr[y] her up the stairs to her room and t[ie] her to the bed and [touch] that left knee all night long” (4). The run-on structure of the sentence conveys the unhealthy excitement of a man who plays this moment over and over again in his mind. In the context of war, such an act does not seem too extreme of harmful, but from a human standpoint it is still unthinkable. The character’s desensitization at the hands of the violence of Vietnam bleeds into his universal judgment of right and wrong, resulting in his reminiscence of Martha’s affections taking on a disquieting tone.

The same motif of reliving past love forms the backbone of “The Lives of the Dead,” in which Tim O’Brien’s recollection of his first love, Linda, is transformed from a sad story about loss to a dark memory that haunts him in the battlefield. In the very beginning of the story, he highlights the strength and purity of the juvenile relationship. “It’s tempting to dismiss it as a crush, an infatuation of childhood, but I know for a fact that what we felt for each other was as deep and rich as love can ever get. It had all the shadings and complexities of mature adult love, and maybe more, because there were not yet words for it, and because it was not yet fixed to comparisons or chronologies or the ways by which adults measure such things” (216). He speaks incredibly fondly of these emotions, creating the feeling of a perfect, noble relationship, but in the context of the war, once again this reminiscence seems out of place and unnatural. O’Brien’s memory of Linda is triggered upon seeing a dead man, illustrated as having “his right arm gone … at his face … flies and gnats” (214). The more and more he delves into the tale of Linda’s death, the more morbid the connection between the war and love becomes. Psychologically, war twists the soldiers’ grasp of the world, often resulting in strange associations like O’Brien “picturing Linda’s face” (215) all day upon seeing the first casualties of Vietnam. In his mind, the connection between these occurrences seems logical, but in the realm of healthy thinking, there is something bizarre between the deaths of a childhood love from cancer and an old villager from simply being shot. Once again, the symbol of love becomes tainted by the way the soldiers, shaken by the violent nature of war, reminisce about their emotions at the most inappropriate moments, often with devastating results. The inherent connection between love and death that is etched in both of the characters in these stories portrays their turmoil through the inability to cope with the tragic war in any way that does not create a disturbing dichotomy with the innocence of love.

The reluctance to let go of these emotions and arrange one’s priorities during wartime is the driving plot point in “The Things They Carried,” but can also be observed in “Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong” and “Stockings,” where the recurring theme is the inability of the soldiers to keep the two parts of their lives separate without consequence. Fixed on the idea of bringing his girlfriend over at the battle camp, Mark Fossie changes the balance of his relationship with Mary Anne dramatically but still insists on having things remain the way they were. His disillusionment lies in that he brings out his naïve girlfriend, opens her eyes to the harsh reality of the world, but still expects her to live in the bubble of their child-like relationship. Love is portrayed as an unfortunate circumstance that gives rise to a much bigger problem than expected, the corruption of a young girl by the untapped power of violence. As with the other stories, the instincts and expectations of love are twisted, with Fossie not thinking clearly about protecting his girlfriend in the very beginning of the story, but later trying to stop her from forming her own identity. “When we first got here – all of us – we were real young and innocent, full of romantic bullshit, but we learned pretty damn quick. And so did Mary Anne,” (93) Rat Kiley concludes. This thought presents the fundamental conflict between the romantic comfort of the past and the harsh reality of the war, with the two proving to be immiscible without some sort of consequences, be it death or change of identity. This notion is reiterated throughout the story through the profuse contrasting imagery of Mary Anne’s past and present actions. From a symbol of American wholesomeness and unfamiliarity with the war, exemplified by the mainstream imagery of “seventeen years old, fresh out of Cleveland Heights Senior High [with] long white legs and blue eyes and a complexion like strawberry ice cream” (89) and “white culottes and this sexy pink sweater” (86), she turns into a personification of danger and bloodthirst, of the desire to kill. Vietnam unlocks completely new instincts and yearnings inside her, leaving her with the realization that her personal life cannot coexist with her lust for blood. Mary Anne’s revokes her child-like romance with Fossie and confidently embraces her new persona, the transformation highlighted by the imagery of her “necklace of human tongues … elongated and narrow, like pieces of blackened leather … one tongue overlapping the next, the tips curled upward as if caught in a final shrill syllable” (106). The grotesque, inhumane nature of this accessory, together with the emphasis on “blackened leather,” illustrates the shift from simply helping in the war to actively enjoying the mercenary pursuit and murder. In contrast to her swift dismissal of past love, Mark Fossie’s reaction is that of disbelief and grief. His plan for their life together “in the ordinary flow of their lives … might well have come true,” (90) but in Vietnam, his own actions are to blame for the disturbing events that follow. The battlefield demands of soldiers to prioritize the greater good over their own personal agendas, and Fossie’s inability to do so unlocks the violent monster, inherent in Mary Anne. In their relationship, they are symbolically two sides of the same coin; with the attempts of experiencing love during wartime leaving a person with the harsh reality of having to commit to only one of the two.

Mark Fossie’s frustration and torment in losing grip of past love is also observed in “Stockings” through the story of Henry Dobbins, “drawn towards sentimentality” (111). His method of coping with the present is through a memento of his girlfriend, a pair of nylon stockings. As his good luck charm, the stockings prove to be invaluable to him as they simultaneously act as a reminder of the past, a comfort for the present, and an aspiration for the future. After his separation with the girlfriend, Dobbins is forlorn and troubled, but quickly sticks to his regime of “arranging the nylons around his neck, carefully tying a knot, draping the two leg sections over his left shoulder” (112). This routine action, while not as dark as the other explorations of love, portrays his reluctance of letting go of the past and accepting such a change in his life. With all of the stockings’ symbolism beckoning to a reunion with his girlfriend, it seems strange of him to continue using them despite the improbability of ever being with her again. He actively chooses to continue living in his own reality as it provides the best comfort possible at wartime. These two essays present the confusion and isolation that war brings upon people, often causing them to look for meaning in elements of the past. The inevitable change of this past in turn causes the characters even more turmoil as the only constant thing in their life, love, has been overturned and they are left even more out of center than before. Love is poor coping mechanism, never truly able to mix with the harsh reality of war, leaving each person involved changed, either looking back at the past for comfort or completely revoking it.

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The four stories all convey the slippery slope of love in the harsh conditions of the Vietnam War through the contrast between the initial comfort and happiness that love brings and the many ways in which it unravels, leaving the individuals to cope in unpredictable ways. Through the prism of the gruesome battles, love becomes broken down and twisted in strange directions, leaving the soldiers even more confused and unpredictable. They become emotionally lost and isolated as their reminiscence, serving as an anchor, is rendered hopeless due to the rapid deterioration of relationships or as the harsh, carnal nature of war becomes interwoven in their mind with the sweet innocence of love, leaving them incapable of recalling one without the other, with the result being dismay, uneasiness or complete change of identity.


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Table of contentsNarcissismJealouslyStalkingControllingLove can be all rainbows ...

Table of contents

  1. Narcissism
  2. Jealously
  3. Stalking
  4. Controlling

Love can be all rainbows and butterflies for a while maybe even throughout the whole relationship but sometimes love can go wrong, with narcissistic, jealously, stalking, and controlling behaviors. Narcissistic usually have an excessive interest in oneself and tries to make everything abut him or herself. Jealously can often times feel like threats to someone other then the partner. Stalking is basically following someone, knowing their every move. Lastly controlling, in controlling people often times are controlled and limited to what they can and cannot do in relationships. Of course, each of these things vary and not all relationships go “wrong”. All of these key behaviors go off of each other, like if one is jealous they are controlling. Same could go if the relationship were to go wrong the significant other could be jealous and stalk the other person. With narcissism the partner can be jealous and controlling which is why the partner is often not allowed to do things without the other.

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Narcissism

Narcissism can be considered a personality disorder. Narcissistic people have a sense of superiority and entitlement, they manipulate and exploit others. Freud has proposed a model that did not explain enough about narcissism so Kernberg had alerted it. He theorized that narcissist experienced a childhood that lacked adequate love from a caregiver, especially before the age of 3. So basically narcissisms were a defense against the aversive feelings of loss and abandonment form the child’s parents. But Kohut has proposed something different about this, mirroring and idealization. The mirroring part was the love from the parents and idealization was the belief of the child that they considered their parents as a perfect person (Lam,2012). Usually males are the narcissists. Narcissist also believe that they are more attractive, unique, and smarter then others, while dating they can charm their way into getting what they want. Narcissists were self-focus rather than focused on others. For instance, they lacked empathy, agreeableness and communion. They were also more likely to use the first person pronoun “I” in unstructured and unrehearsed speech. (Lam,2012) Some people might also believe that narcissism can be positive, because they are considered funny, entertaining, energetic, and confident. Other also think that narcissist are more attractive then someone who isn’t a narcissist. Narcissists compared with non-narcissist reported less romantic relationship dysfunction in the short term (Lam,2012)

Jealously

Jealously can be both positive and negative, depending on the person. Usually more people see it as negative, jealously is usually n unhealthy manifestation of insecurity, low self-confidence, and possessiveness (Benokraitis, 2015). Children who grow up in homes were the parents are overprotective or even rejecting the child usually lead to the children being more jealous because they fear abandonment in their love life. Jealously is not universal, what we feel out here someone in a more rural area and smaller population would not feel jealous.

Without jealousy, a person stands to lose her or his investment in the relationship to an extra-relationship threat. The expression of jealousy then, can have a positive connotation because it serves to protect the relationship. Although jealousy has some positive connotations, extreme jealousy can communicate to partners that a lack of trust exists in the relationship (Barelds & Dijkstra, 2006). As we would expect, long-lasting relationships are built on trust (Rusbult, Martz, & Agnew, 1998), but when jealousy becomes a persistent pattern in a relationship, it erodes a foundation of trust that is essential to a successful, rewarding relationship. (Newberry, 2010) Depending on the person some people like it when their significant other has the jealous trait, people see it is they are over protective and wanting to protect the relationship.

Stalking

Stalking is never a good thing, it is harassing and usually unwanted by the other person and just causes fear and distress to the person being stalked. There is also such thing as cyberstalking, which is stalking through email, texting, and social media. Of the 6.6 million stalking cases in 2010, almost 79 percent of the victims were women. Also about 66 percent of female victims have been stalked by a current or former intimate partner. (Benokraitis, 2015) Stalking is associated with pathology in the human bio-behavioral attachment system. Often times stalkers way of thinking is a unconsciously thought about, fantasies vary based on the relationship with the certain person. If the stalker is rejected they will feel humiliated and express rage toward the victim.

Stalking behavior may be associated with any one of any combination of three primary brain systems that solved for mating and reproduction: the sex drive, attraction, and male/female attachment. The sex drive is the motivation to achieve sexual gratification. Attraction is the preference for and motivation to pursue a specific mating partner. Male/female attachment refers to the formation of a pair bond, the maintenance of proximity, co-parenting duties, and in human’s feelings of calm, security and union with a long term partner. (Meloy & Fisher, 2005)

People don’t necessarily see stalking when in a love relationship with someone, it is encounter after. From what I had explained above we can see that stalking comes from not being able to technically be with that person. In TV shows and movies, the person is stalked because they thought he/she was beautiful or handsome or maybe in high school he/she was in love with her and stalk the person to know everything about themselves.

Controlling

Controlling people want power over other (Benokraitis, 2015),they want to feel important and in power. Controllers aren’t only seen in relationships, we often times see out family controlling us by tell us that we should follow this certain path because they did. But in relationship the controllers want their partner to take care of the house, prepare dinner for the partner, and show love to them. Often time if someone cannot demonstrate that the partner complains to them and often times the other partner will quit their jobs or stop their life to keep their partner happy.

In many cases, manipulators know the harm they’re doing, but do so to gratify their own needs and wishes. (Benokraitis, 2015). The controller is often times in love or says that he/she is in love with their partner which is why they want them to do this or this. I have seen the controlling factor in one of my own friends, she is very weak and cant be alone so this boy who is now her fiancé controls her whole life. At one point she stopped going to school and quit her job because he wanted her to be home and he wanted to be able to support her. This same friend even let her fiancé get in the way of our friendship of almost 10 years, so we no longer speak. People get so infatuated with other people that they lose sight of the good and let the controller take over.

In all, love relationships are hard work, they don’t always go as planned, and often times we are playing scenarios the way we want them more then the way they happen. When finding a partner there are often signs that show the real side of a person, none of us are perfect so a lot of us have flaws in relationships. Remember your worth if you ever encounter someone who shows jealous, controlling, narcissistic, and stalking behaviors. You always have the chance to leave and you are never stuck with that person.


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I've always been sexually naive for a greater part of my life. I found it diffic ...

I've always been sexually naive for a greater part of my life. I found it difficult to express my true feelings to women. About 18 months ago, I met this gorgeous girl, I fell in love with her and we started dating almost immediately. She was my first girlfriend. She was the light of my life. I treated her nicely, and we were so much in love with each other, or so I thought. Just few months ago, she left me for another guy-a real jerk for that matter. This incident left me particularly heartbroken!

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I was sad for some days. I felt totally cheap and worthless. However, this incident gave me an opportunity to reflect on my life.To cut a long story short, my eyes was opened and I now see the meaning of true love from a different perspective. What's the meaning of true love? Can true love be objectively defined? The answer is 'no.'

When I first started dating my ex, I thought it was love at first sight. Well it wasn't love I experienced, it was just the first stage of love probably known as infatuation! This brings us to the question: what's true love? True love is a deep affection you have for someone which cannot be explained by laws governing human behavior. It's selfless, unending and enduring.

There's a famous text on love as a couple that says: 'If you love someone for his intelligence, it's not love but admiration. if you love someone for their beauty, it's not love, but desire. If you love someone because he's rich, that's not true love but interest. However, if you love someone without really knowing why, this is true love'.

Over the past two months, l have done a thorough research on 'love and relationship '. One of my findings is that there's no such thing as love at first sight! I'm sorry to burst your bubbles, but that's the fact. However, true love takes time to develop!

Most of us go through life thinking what we experience in our first year or so in a relationship is true love. On the contrary, it's infatuation and sexual attraction and these can fade over a period of time. As the bursts of sexual attraction start to fade after the first few arguments and misunderstanding, that's when true love starts to enter the picture. Also, it's at this point most couples break up their relationship due to their incompatibilities.

To nurture love in a relationship, there need to be:

  • Trust and Understanding. You must learn to understand each other and develop trust in your relationship. Without trust, your relationship is as good as dead.
  • Honest and constant communication. When there's gap in communication with your partner, your relationship cannot survive. Sincere communication in your relationship bring you closer to your partner.
  • Tolerance and compatibility. For a long-lasting relationship, you must ensure to be compatible with your partner and also learn to overlook his or her shortcomings.
  • Sex, romance, love and intimacy. These are the cornerstone of every great relationship. Even when you think the spark is lost, you must look for ways to rekindle it.
  • Forgiveness and compassion. These will help you during difficult time. In a relationship, there are some losses and mistakes you can't fix, You must be willing to forgive andlet go of past mistakes and move forward.
  • A sense of humor and fun. You should learn to correct each other's mistakes with love, laugh and have fun together to distract you from the rigours of life.. You mus ensure to spend quality time together.

To summarize, true love cannot be forced. It cannot be found, it appears accidentally. What you can do is to culrivate and support true love dor your partner. To be happy together both of you need to put an effort to continue the relationship.


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Shakespeare’s classic play, Twelfth Night, tells the story of Viola, a woman w ...

Shakespeare’s classic play, Twelfth Night, tells the story of Viola, a woman who dresses like a man to find a place in Duke Orsino’s court. While working for Orsino, however, Viola falls in love with him, but must hide her feelings in order to protect her new identity and because Orsino is in love with another woman named Olivia. The play deals with ideas of social class, sexuality, and gender, and comments on the roles of these factors in relationships. Through Orsino and Viola’s casual physicality and joint activities as well as the setting and music used in their scenes, the movie version of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night portrays their relationship as one of equals and full of sexual tension despite their apparently shared genders, thereby defying the heteronormativity of the era, whereas the play portrays Viola as socially inferior to Orsino and suggests that her love for him will be unrequited as long as she remains disguised as a man.

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The casual physical contact between Orsino and Viola in the movie illustrates a relationship of friends or equals in contrast to the play, which shows Orsino to have power over Viola. In the play, when Orsino asks Viola to go woo Olivia for him, he mentions that he chose Viola to “act his woes” because he felt Olivia will “attend it better” due to Viola’s “youth” (1.4.29). He then goes on to describe Viola’s “smooth and rubious” lips, and her “shrill and sound” voice, noting that they are “all semblative a woman’s part” (1.4.35­37). These lines can be interpreted as demeaning, as Orsino potentially insults Viola’s masculinity when he tells her that she looks like a woman. However, the film, which does not change Orsino’s lines, uses physical contact between the two to illustrate Orsino’s good humored intentions. In one instance, when Orsino describes picking Viola to “act his woes”, he puts his arm around her as a sign of comradery. Similarly, when he speaks of her “smooth and rubious lip,” Orsino teasingly tickles Viola’s mouth. Viola also reciprocates the friendly physicality by playfully shoving Orsino when he compares her to a “woman,” which demonstrates that she was clearly not offended by his remark. Additionally, as Orsino continues to beg Viola to speak to Olivia on his behalf and remarks that her “constellation is right apt for this affair,” (1.4.38­39) he grabs her hand while lying pathetically on a couch. While the play gives no indication of Orsino’s vulnerability, the movie shows Orsino taking Viola’s hand in his moment of need, which further illustrates the intensity of their friendship. Furthermore, the physical aspect of Orsino and Viola’s relationship in the film renders any direct mention of their intimacy by other characters unnecessary. In the play, Valentine, one of Orsino’s servants, observes to Viola that she is “likely to be much advanced” by Orsino, because even though he has only known her “but three days,” she is “already no stranger” to him (1.4.2­4). However, in the film, these lines are cut, because the intimacy of Orsino and Viola’s relationship is obvious enough without Valentine’s commentary. Similarly, the film cuts Viola’s line where she declares that she wants to “be his wife” (1.4.46). because the chemistry between Viola and Orsino in the movie already portrays her love for him. While the play suggests that Orsino sees himself as superior to Viola, the film utilizes their physical relationship to illustrate a meaningful friendship.

The activities that Viola and Orsino engage in in the film also portray their relationship as one of friends and equals, rather than the play, which depicts Orsino as having a position of power over Viola due to his social class. In the play, Viola and Orsino discuss Viola’s love life. When Orsino asks Viola “what kind of woman” she loves, Viola answers that the person is of Orsino’s “complexion” (2.4.30­31). Similarly, when Orsino asks how old the woman is, Viola answers “about your years, my lord” (2.4.33). In this scene, Shakespeare uses dramatic irony as a method of humor, as the reader understands that the person Viola is describing is Orsino, while he remains totally oblivious. The film uses many of the same lines, but when Orsino and Viola have this conversation, they are sitting together while playing cards and smoking cigars. While the lines alone suggest that Orsino is interested in Viola’s love life, the cigars and card game that the two characters share in the film while having this intimate conversation is indicative of their close friendship. Additionally, in the film, Viola does not address Orsino as “my lord,” which suggests that the two are on equal standing as opposed to the play. Viola and Orsino have another meaningful conversation about love later in which they discuss Orsino’s heartache. During this conversation, Orsino calls Viola over by saying “come hither, boy,” and then tells Viola to “remember” him if she ever “shalt love” (2.4.17). The lines stay almost the same in the film, but the two are playing a game of pool while having this conversation which indicates that they are friends. Furthermore, in the film, Orsino’s command “come hither, boy” is cut, as the movie aims to depict a relationship of equals while the play portrays Orsino as socially superior. The activities that Viola and Orsino partake in in the film emphasize their close friendship and depicts their relationship as one of equals.

Not only does the film portray Viola and Orsino as friends, but the setting and music in these characters’ scenes adds a romantic quality to their relationship that the play does not touch on. In the play, when Orsino convinces Viola to go woo Olivia for him, his lines somewhat portray the intimacy of their relationship, as he speaks of giving Viola “the book even of my secret soul” (1.4.15). However, the setting in the film during this scene adds a romantic quality to this exchange, as Viola and Orsino are sitting on cliffs on a beach while having this conversation. By putting the characters in a romantic atmosphere while they have a discussion about love, the film subtly suggests that Orsino and Viola are more than just friends. Similarly, in the play, when Orsino inquires about Viola’s love life, he asks for Feste to “play the tune awhile” (1.4.15­16), but no indication is given about the nature of the music that is playing in the scene. However, the film intersperses this scene with one in which Feste plays a love song for Maria, Toby, and Andrew, while Maria sings along with Feste and gives Toby longing glances just as Viola is doing to Orsino in her scene. The love song that plays during these scenes emphasizes the romantic element in Viola and Orsino’s relationship, and the film further comments on a possible romance between Viola and Orsino as it juxtaposes Maria’s longing for Toby and Viola’s love for Orsino. Viola and Orsino have another emotional conversation later, when Orsino once again begs Viola to convince Olivia to marry him. In the play, Viola’s love for Orsino is shown as completely unrequited, as Orsino constantly speaks of his infatuation with Olivia while Viola secretly pins for him. However, by placing Viola and Orsino in another romantic setting while speaking of love, the film continues to imply that there is more to their relationship than friendship, as the two characters screaming at each other on the beach resembles a couple having a lovers quarrel. Furthermore, the film makes changes to Orsino’s lines to insinuate that he is angry at Olivia rather than completely in love with her. In the play, when Orsino speaks of Olivia to Viola, he calls her a “sovereign cruelty,” but then goes on to explain that he does not want her “quantity of dirty lands” or “fortune,” but is instead attracted to her “nature” (2.4.89­95). However, the film cuts all of Orsino’s lines in which he speaks of Olivia’s kind “nature,” and instead only includes the line in which he calls her cruel. By omitting Orsino’s lines that mention his love for Olivia, the film focuses on the possibility of Orsino loving Viola instead. The setting and music used during Viola and Orsino’s scenes in the film creates a romantic atmosphere for the characters while the play portrays a strictly platonic relationship between the two.

As the story continues, the use of setting and music portrays Viola and Orsino’s relationship as not only romantic, but also full of sexual tension, which defies the heteronormative stereotypes of the time, while the play portrays Viola’s love for Orsino as one sided and unlikely to be returned. In the play, Orsino describes to Valentine how he detests Olivia’s disregard for him, as he wonders bitterly if Olivia will finally love him “when the rich golden shaft” of Cupid’s bow has “killed” all her other feelings or emotions (1.1.37­38). In the film, Orsino’s musings are made to Viola instead of Valentine, which suggests that Orsino feels comfortable divulging his intimate feelings to her. Additionally, the film places Orsino naked in a bathtub during this conversation while Viola uses a sponge to bathe him, which introduces an element of sexual tension to their relationship that the play does not have. The sexual tension between the characters heightens during the scene in which Feste sings a song about death for Orsino and Viola, where he tells death to “come away” and asks to be “laid” in a coffin of “sad cypress” (2.4.58­59). The film uses the same song, but completely changes the atmosphere of the scene by putting Viola, Orsino, and Feste in a dark, deserted barn. Although the lyrics remain sad in the film, it appears as if Feste is serenading the two, and while he is singing, Viola and Orsino’s faces slowly get closer and closer as if they are about to kiss. While the play includes Viola and Orsino listening to Feste sing, the film’s addition of a romantic setting and the suggestion of a kiss adds sexual tension to Viola and Orsino’s relationship. After the song, Feste tells Orsino that his “mind is a very opal,” (4.2.82) a stone that changes color. By comparing Orsino’s mind to an opal right after he apparently almost kisses a man, Feste comments on Orsino’s possible change of mind, and insinuates that he loves men now. Although this line was also in the play, the film’s addition of an almost­kiss between Orsino and Viola directs the line at Orsino’s sexuality, a distinction that the play does not touch on. While the play includes Viola’s love for Orsino, Orsino does not reciprocate her feelings until he discovers that she is actually a woman. However, in the film, Orsino begins to fall for Viola even while she is under the facade of Cesario. The film’s use of romantic settings and music challenges the heteronormative views of the era by portraying Orsino’s attraction to Viola despite their apparently shared genders.

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Viola and Orsino’s shared activities and physicality portray the two as friends and equals despite Orsino’s higher social rank. Furthermore, the film’s use of setting, music, and other general choices to highlight the romance and sexual tension in Viola and Orsino’s relationship challenges the heteronormative stereotypes of the era. The different interpretation of Viola and Orsino’s relationship that the film presents illustrates the different attitudes towards social hierarchy and homosexuality in Shakespeare’s era versus the twenty ­first century.


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A low-carb diet is low in carbohydrates, like sugary foods, pasta and bread. Ins ...

A low-carb diet is low in carbohydrates, like sugary foods, pasta and bread. Instead, you eat real foods including protein, natural fats and vegetables. Examples of foods in this category include Meat, fish, eggs, vegetables growing above ground and natural fats.

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Get to the internet, upon visiting a few websites of interest, you decide to catch up with whatever is making trends in social sites in either of any region of the globe ; while on this adventure, be sure to meet several calls on losing weight pegged at strategic places on the internet as adverts. One would ask, why the urge to advertise so aggressively in a world where news is headlined by droughts, famines and malnutrition in different parts? The answer is simple, there is good business in making people lose Weight. It is real and there millions of people desperate to lose weight, with others willing to go to any depths including using unorthodox means.

Studies scientific studies have shown that low-carb diets result in weight loss and improved health markers, many people all over the world have used the and just about everyone knows someone who has successfully tried it.

Weight loss is the main reason why people go on diet carb. However, cutting carbs does not guarantee that one will lose weight. Nevertheless, balanced meals are important to ensure that you’re getting the nutrients body needs to stay healthy and feel satisfied.

One question many people ask is how to start and maintain a carb diet. Let’s delve in to this matter:

  • Take it easy with your new diet carb

Change is never appreciated and accepted just at a glance. In fact, Changing from your current diet to a low carb diet overnight can be an ambush to the system. This increases the chances of getting law on motivation as the body gets reluctant to adopt. A better option would be to make the transition from old diet to new by making just one meal a day low carb. Doing this in a few days will allow the body to adjust and one can easily transit and add another meal. Take a week or two to make the full transition to low carb dieting. The Less results will be less shock to the body and easier compliance.

  • Seek out lower carb alternatives to your favorite foods

In scenarios where one is a high consumer of high end carb diets, it’s advisable avoid them and adopt find similar tasting foods that are much lower in carbs. When you first start a low carbohydrate diet, your weight will plummet as your body sheds storage glycogen and all the water that the storage carbohydrate sucks up like a sponge. So if your goal is weight loss, life is good for the first couple weeks as you shed anywhere from 3-20 pounds, depending on your starting weight.

  • Prepare your low cab meals in advance

Preparing you low carb diet meals early in advance increases your chances of adopting and marinating. Planning kinda instructs the brains and wires it to adopt .From washing and preparing tomorrow’s vegetables the night before to cooking batches of meals for freezing, prior preparation means you will be less tempted to break your diet.

  • Think about what you can eat rather rthan what you cant

Cutting back on carbs means you’ll need to eat less of certain foods but you can eat lots and lots of other great-tasting foods instead. In fact, there are probably more alternatives than foods you’ll need to cut back on. Think of your low carb diet as an opportunity to eat new and interesting foods and don’t dwell on the fact you won’t eat as much bread, rice, pasta, and potatoes as normal. Going low carb will broaden your menu and not restrict it!

  • Read and understand food labels

Most common foods especially snacks are the most obvious sources of carbohydrate. An obvious mention would be Bread, rice, pasta, and potatoes. Unless you take a moment to read your food labels, you could easily end up consuming hidden carbs too. Hidden carbs are lurking in many processed foods, often in the form of refined sugar. To succeed in the mission of consuming low carb diets, take a moment to read your food labels, you could easily end up consuming hidden carbs too. Hidden carbs are lurking in many processed foods, often in the form of refined sugar.to succeed in the mission of consuming low carb diets, its paramount to learn how to spot hidden carbs.

  • Don’t fear fat

Many commercially-produced low carb and carb-free foods contain unhealthy ingredients such as sugar alcohols, trans fats, and artificial sweeteners. Eating low carb versions of the unhealthy foods that caused you to gain weight in the first place makes no sense! A low carb cookie is still a cookie and is the opposite of what constitutes a healthy food. Rather than eat low carb versions of unhealthy foods, just eat the regular version of those foods in accordance to the 10% rule discussed earlier.

When you switch to a low carbohydrate diet, the drop in fruit, vegetables, legume and grain consumption can significantly decrease fiber intake and result in inadequate phytonutrient, antioxidant, vitamin C and potassium intake. There is absolutely no reason that you can’t eat liberal amounts of dark leafy greens and other non-starchy vegetables on a low-carbohydrate diet.

Breaking your diet occasionally is okay but by failing to plan, the chances of breaking your diet increase dramatically. Thus, the most important rule in starting and succeeding in low carb diet is by planning. If you don’t plan, your chances of success are much lower than for someone who takes the time to plan their meals. Planning means you are less likely to eat the foods you shouldn’t.

Worth noting is that, low card dieting may result to some side effects on some people. When such occurrences happen, this does not mean that these diets are not working on you. A common issues while on low carb diet is intense carbohydrate cravings. There are supplements that can help curb cravings, including chromium and vanadium.


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Just imagine the situation where the manager or the supervisor doesn’t have to ...

Just imagine the situation where the manager or the supervisor doesn’t have to negotiate with the union over wages. Instead, he can just order the robot to perform the tasks. No questions asked. As per the supervisor’s wish. This is exactly what is going to happen in the future in most of the manufacturing industries as a result of automation in businesses. The debate between the need for automation and the availability of low cost labour has been going on for a very long time. Most of the people arguing against automation cite the social and economic impact of rapid job displacement as a reason. But at the same time, these people fail to see the cost required for employing labour and the fact that every economy in the world is facing a declining talent pool (skilled people eligible for employment).

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If you look at our country, the rise of service sector in India’s GDP is mainly attributed to our country’s large pool of highly skilled, low cost workforce. Foreign multi-national companies are outsourcing their work to India especially in the fields of business process outsourcing and information technology services. The offshore outsourcing of IT increased because of the cost of offshore labour. This labour cost has been a powerful lure for foreign customers, but many expect this labour cost advantage to diminish in future. With rising technological advancements and rising labour costs, search for cheaper labour elsewhere will be a thing of the past. Offshoring will thus possess lesser competitive advantage in the future.

IT service firms are shifting to automation, cloud, Internet of Things etc. And it’s not just the IT services, the arrival of automation has spread to almost all industries across the world. According to an International Business Report by Grant Thornton in 2015, a survey of more than 2500 executives across 36 countries, 56% of the firms are either automating processes or plan to do so over the next 12 months.

The need to ensure productivity in every department is what drives the companies to go for automation. The businesses are now encountering situations where the capital costs are low while the labour costs are increasing, increasing the clamour for automation.

In the field of manufacturing, automation has played a significant role. Automation has enabled companies to produce goods at lower costs by employing economies of scale. Automation can also lead to shorter lead times, and more efficient use of inventory and thereby, cash flow. German automotive giant Volkswagen has observed that by automating the German factories, they are achieving higher cost savings than moving the manufacturing unit to China.

Till date, the most significant contribution of automation in India has been observed in the field of supply chain and warehousing. Butler, an orange robot, developed by GreyOrange, India’s largest warehouse robotics startup, helps online retailers and logistics firms cut delivery time and cost. GreyOrange has Flipkart, DTDC, online furniture portal Pepperfry and Delhivery as its clients. These robots (as shown below) can also sort around 1.2 crore packets a month and they even have the potential to replace 60-80 % of the warehouse workforce.

These robots are questioning the very need for low cost labour as it is evident to the companies that in the long run, the one-time investment required for the robot is much smaller in comparison to the high monthly wages demanded by each worker.

Courier parcel service DTDC Express Ltd. is using the GreyOrange Sorter since 2014. After deploying Sorter, DTDC has been able to bring down the time required, to send a parcel from its hub, from 6-7 hours to 90 minutes. This was made possible by reducing the number of human interactions involved while transmitting the parcel. This reduction in human touch points not only increased the speed of transfer but also reduced the number of human prone errors.

Technical feasibility is the necessary precondition for implementing any kind of automation. It has been estimated that 59 percent of activities performed in manufacturing sector involves operations in a predictable environment and thus could be automated, given the technical considerations. But the remaining 41 percent of activities still requires complete or partial manual intervention. This characteristic varies across industries. Service sector, for example, is the top most readily automatable industry in any economy. Almost 79 percent of activities in service sector are in a predictable environment and hence, could be readily automated.

It is very evident that most of the economies are shifting towards automation owing to the rapid rise in technology and internet. But the economies/countries which will be severely affected by this shift will be the ones that focus on rudimentary, low-skilled routine work relying on labour arbitrage without associating the human sentiments to it. This was bound to happen since the labour costs were increasing over the years and the cost of machines were gradually decreasing owing to the technological innovations. So, in the long run, the cost of machines (robots) will only come down, giving the organizations/companies another reason for implementing automation in their businesses.

On the other hand, if firms adopt the low-cost labour strategy, the workers will end up doing the repetitive work daily. These jobs may not possess immediate risk, but the growth opportunities provided to the workers will be far and few. This can, in a way, make the workers unproductive causing the firms to look for other alternatives.

All the evidences suggest that the developed economies would be less affected because of this shift to automation since these countries can support the high-end automation processes with a highly skilled workforce and an advanced technological environment.

The important question right now will be where and how to unlock value, given the cost of replacing human labour with machines. The majority of the benefits may not arise out of reducing labour costs but from the need to increase productivity by limiting errors and improved quality and speed


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